Wanted: Connections and Confidence

The end of another long crappy day, but at least a five minute search of Tumblr helped get the blood flowing again. There’s a theory out there that staring at boobs for ten minutes a day can reduce stress and who am I to argue with science?

Anyway, now it’s the evening and I’m home and I’m thinking about what I’ll end up doing (writing this, watching a movie, maybe reheating some pre-cooked slop that passes as dinner before going to bed and the whole charade begins again) and what I want to be doing (going out, talking, flirting, kissing and all manner of naughty things). It’s an argument that rages in my head most nights – What I want to do Vs What I will do.

Now, despite what you might think, I’m not a complete Man-Whore and I don’t always let my groin do all the thinking. Sure, it seems to want to do a lot of the thinking, but deep down I’m not solely obsessed by just about going out there and shagging anything that moves. Don’t get me wrong, if I was given the chance I probably wouldn’t turn it down, but I’d easily – and very happily – settle for coming home and sharing an evening with someone I actually have a connection with. Someone who makes me feel comfortable and relaxed and who helps brighten a previously crappy day. Of course it helps if their level of constant horniness matches my own because nothing can make a bad day feel more like a distant memory than a bit of walk-in-the-house, slam-the-door, kiss-you-hard, throw-you-to-the-bed, long-deep-fucking.

Trouble is, that’s not an option for me right now. And although I’ve got a new Friend With Benefits, that’s only a short-term stop gap for the bigger issue. It might, over time, become something else, but right now it’s early days and the better solution would be to go out and get dating again following a horrendous fucking break-up with my ex, Z. Only my lack of confidence keeps stopping that.

A guy with no confidence? Pretty unsexy, right. I can appreciate that. Girls seem to like guys with a little ‘oomph’ and because I don’t have it at the moment, I’m not going out and trying to meet people. Even if I did, few girls find shyness a turn-on (although if you do – let me know ;)). Personally, I hate guys who go so far in the opposite direction that they come across as arrogant (I know plenty of women kinda like that, though) but it’d be nice to at least have the balls to get back out there, get noticed and get talking to a girl without thinking the world was about to implode.

It’s frustrating, not just because I want to be having as much sex as humanly possible (I mentioned that I love sex, right?), but because I love women in general. I genuinely find them sexy and gorgeous and interesting in all their forms – they are beautiful creatures who fascinate me. It wouldn’t actually matter if we ended up back in their bed, just chatting to one would be nice, but as soon as you put me in a social situation where I have to talk to a girl I don’t know, I fall apart. I over-think, stumble and generally make a tit out of myself. It’s got to a point where I’ve actually had to start attending group meetings to try and combat this chronic shyness which is kinda disappointing to me.

The mentalness of it all is only made worse by the fact that if you put me behind a screen or a sheet of paper or some other way I can write to a girl, I’ll be a million times better. My last four girlfriends were met online, through internet dating, online hook-ups, whatever. You stick a keyboard in front of me and I’m away. I’ll be chatty, flirty and I might raise a raise a smile (I might even make them laugh, but I’ve yet to find a single person who says “LOL” and actually laughs out loud). After a few messages I’ll be talking to them like I’ve known them for ages, and then when things slide into sexy-time, I’ll really pull out my a-game.

I have a slight knack for writing, especially when it comes to dirty messages. I can build a scene, set the pace, describe in detail every last thing I want to do to them and it seems to work. They liked it enough to come back for more, at least, and from there we’ve moved on to actual meets. Which is weird when you think you’ve basically had sex before you’ve even met face-to-face, but it seems to work. I don’t mind that at all, but it’d be nice to at least mix it up a bit with some random, get-out-there-and-talk flirting and dating and hook-ups.

So my questions are  –

– Is this face-to-face shyness / online confidence a more common thing for guys and girls than I’m aware of?

– Can you be a successful dater while being a total frailer at public dating?

– Have you ever just taken the plunge and gone against your instinct, and how was it? Good or bad. Would you do it again?

– Do you find shyness or over-confidence sexy? If so – why?

I’m curious, let me know.


4 thoughts on “Wanted: Connections and Confidence

  1. I enjoyed your writing style so I can imagine you do well on internet relationships. As far as being shy… I would flirt with my own shadow so I have no words of wisdom for you. Well, other than, of women like you online there is no reason they won’t like you face to face. Focus on the fact that they are most likely nervous too and try to put them at ease. Forget about your own nerves or shyness and make it all,about them, conversationally etc. I hope this helps and that you get other there again. Good luck.
    Ps th ask for following me x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m shy, in person, too. But pretty outgoing online… soooo, I think it happens more than we think. The internet gives us anonymity; shyness is all about the fear of failure. That we won’t say or do the right thing, that we won’t be accepted for who we really are. These are deep-seated insecurities that everyone has, but some are able to turn them off, or have had the support to believe in themselves.

    For me personally? over-confidence in a guy is a complete turn off. If you think more highly of yourself than I do? yeah, we got nothing to talk about. I like to pull a man out of himself, slowly, it’s part of the game. We learn to trust one another. At the same time, you need to be strong. A person can be strong and shy, one does not negate the other.

    But what do I know? 😉


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