I’ve got a list as long as my arm for upcoming blog post entries (including my original idea to write about a rather delightful series of messages I’d received from my FWB while at work which had me practically aching for her), but then another idea came out of the blue and, once I heard it, suddenly I realised that all other ideas were going to have to take a back seat while I wrote about that most male of obsessions – Porn.

Here’s the thing – I’ve never really considered other people’s opinions or thoughts on porn before. Well, I have in terms of the general consensus that it’s “dirty” and “not something to be talked about in public” but that’s about it. Until today, I’d never really thought about how some people envision it and what they take from it (or don’t take from it, as the case may be) versus what I envision and take from it. There was a curious mis-matching going on.

Before I start, I should say that one thing this post is not going to do, or try to do, is change your mind or excuse my love of porn (as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing to excuse). But I thought it might be interesting to explore how two people, talking about the same subject, had quite different thoughts and ideas on it.

I’ll fill in the background first – Earlier today I was chatting to someone who I’ve only known a short time, yet who I already feel shares a lot of similar thoughts to my own. Someone open minded and honest and who’s not afraid to discuss topics a lot of others might avoid. I hope the person in question won’t mind me mining our conversation for this blog post but it seemed an interesting topic because, while we talked about this and that and how I’ve ended up here with this identity and this blog etc, one of the things I happened to mention I love (alongside sex and women) was porn. And when I said that, there was a kind of pause.

Not a long pause. Not a terrible pause. But it was there all the same. I sensed it, like Darth Vader sensing Obi-Wan in A New Hope.

Now, there was no judgement by either of us towards the other on our opinions on the subject (and there still isn’t – as far as I’m aware), but I thought it was interesting that they seemed to find porn fake and plastic and often degrading to women. In a lot of ways I can see where they are coming from – there is plenty out there which fits this bill exactly – but I’d naively assumed that the plastic, fake type was a bit of an old fashioned stereotype which had been ridiculed so much it was no longer accepted as real or pleasurable for men. And I’d thought the perception of lovers of that kind of porn had died out long ago, too, alongside the medallion man and drinkers of Blue Nun. Only now I see that’s not true. There’s an entire industry built around Beef-Heads taking control of Barbie-Dolls which still thrives to this day, but actually that’s not the kind of porn I really like.

You see, the kind of porn I like mostly involves both parties thoroughly enjoying themselves. I like – no LOVE – to watch the sort of porn where the woman/women enjoys every second and every inch of the sex as much as the man. Mutual satisfaction is fucking sexy to me. In fact, watching a guy going the other way and deliberately trying to push a girl into a toe-curling, body-trembling, sheet-ripping orgasm is a HUGE turn-on for me and is much hotter than just watching a guy shag a hot girl. And there’s loads of porn out there which is just like that and most of it tends to be the amateur kind and, I realised, 9 times out of 10, that’s the kind I watch.

Homemade sex tapes turn me on because they seem to reveal both parties loving the act at the moment it was recorded. It could be from a long-term couple or a one night stand, but what I love about that kind of porn is that one person is getting off on the moment as much as the other. It doesn’t matter if that’s through straight sex, roleplay, ageplay, domplay or subplay – the key to it all is ‘play’. I love seeing everyone involved really enjoying themselves – from deep, sensual love-making to the kind of, rip-the-panties-down-and thrust-inside fucking that comes from desperate, get-your-rocks-off lust. Couples who are genuinely enjoying it are much sexier than couples who just act as if they enjoy it because there’s a paycheck at the end. That’s not to say porn stars don’t enjoy their work, but there seems to be more honesty to amateur sex.

Another reason why I enjoy amateur porn above “professional” porn is the connection you sometimes find between partners. Usually this appears between long-term couples and I know there’s a chance that some of this porn comes from disgruntled ex’s who want to humiliate their partner, but just pushing that aside for a moment (it’s a subject I’ll be coming back to in other posts), the visible connection a couple feels and shows – the relaxed nature, the intimacy – is another massive turn-on. It’s what reminds me of the best sex I’ve had and I love seeing another couple sharing that same feeling. I guess that makes me almost a voyeur in a roundabout kind of way.

Taking it a step further, the porn which really turns me on – to the point I can barely control the throbbing of my cock in my pants (and the kind which frequently fills my Tumblr) – is the kind of detailed, sensual porn which is so often missing from those “professional” films people seem to think of when the word ‘porn’ is mentioned with their Bom-Chika-Wow-Wow music and terrible 80s perms.

It’s the kind which, again, you tend to find in amateur porn and sums up, in one image or clip, the perfect, beautiful form of the female body at its most aroused – skin, tits, ass, pussy, hair, lips – and shows the pleasure and the sensation of sex – in whatever form – for both partners. It often shows the hunger of one partner for another and that hunger is revealed through every movement, every touch, every kiss, every lick and every thrust until both are satisfied (and if the guy isn’t satisfying the woman, he’s not trying hard enough). It’s the kind where the lust and orgasm can almost be felt by the viewer through the screen. That is the ultimate porn for me and the kind I mean when I say “I love porn”.

Now, the kinds I like could all just be a trick of editing, black-and-white imagery and some Oscar-worthy performances – it could all be as fake as the plastic bullshit my friend first mentioned – but the pretense of real, raw lust is what I enjoy most, and the deep, sensual pleasure both parties seem to feel through the fucking is what drives me over the edge. As my friend pointed out – I’m kind of an old romantic, in a filthy, pervy kind of way.

So I’m curious about a few things:

  • When/if you heard your partner likes porn, what kind of porn do you automatically think of? Do you assume it’s professional, fake plastic porn or some other kind?
  • What do you think about porn in general – good and bad?
  • If you like it – why?
  • If you don’t like it – why not?
  • Would it bother you if you liked someone and found out they liked porn (in whatever form)?

Let me know, I’m curious.


Why men love Blow Jobs…

Interesting set of perspectives from men. Some being exactly as I’d expect. I’ve had partners who were both good and bad at it (oh the teeth comments bring back memories… ouch!)

Interested to know how girls feel about it – good and bad – and hope there’s a follow up about how women like men to return the favour…


This article is not meant to be rude or offensive in anyway. I know this is a sensitive topic for many cultures and societies but let us remember that oral sex has been around for many, many years. I hope we can all approach it with open mindedness and light-heartedness. That being said….

Blow job, technically known as fellatio, is the act of stimulating a penis with the mouth, usually by licking, kissing, sucking, nibbling and tickling. This act is performed with the goal of ejaculation or as a foreplay before sexual intercourse. 

I had the opportunity to talk to several guys who took the time to share with me what they love about BJ and how they like it. I also did some research on it and these are my findings. Ladies take note… Here we go….

Why men love blow job

“Blowjob, without question, is the best sexual…

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Wanted: Connections and Confidence

The end of another long crappy day, but at least a five minute search of Tumblr helped get the blood flowing again. There’s a theory out there that staring at boobs for ten minutes a day can reduce stress and who am I to argue with science?

Anyway, now it’s the evening and I’m home and I’m thinking about what I’ll end up doing (writing this, watching a movie, maybe reheating some pre-cooked slop that passes as dinner before going to bed and the whole charade begins again) and what I want to be doing (going out, talking, flirting, kissing and all manner of naughty things). It’s an argument that rages in my head most nights – What I want to do Vs What I will do.

Now, despite what you might think, I’m not a complete Man-Whore and I don’t always let my groin do all the thinking. Sure, it seems to want to do a lot of the thinking, but deep down I’m not solely obsessed by just about going out there and shagging anything that moves. Don’t get me wrong, if I was given the chance I probably wouldn’t turn it down, but I’d easily – and very happily – settle for coming home and sharing an evening with someone I actually have a connection with. Someone who makes me feel comfortable and relaxed and who helps brighten a previously crappy day. Of course it helps if their level of constant horniness matches my own because nothing can make a bad day feel more like a distant memory than a bit of walk-in-the-house, slam-the-door, kiss-you-hard, throw-you-to-the-bed, long-deep-fucking.

Trouble is, that’s not an option for me right now. And although I’ve got a new Friend With Benefits, that’s only a short-term stop gap for the bigger issue. It might, over time, become something else, but right now it’s early days and the better solution would be to go out and get dating again following a horrendous fucking break-up with my ex, Z. Only my lack of confidence keeps stopping that.

A guy with no confidence? Pretty unsexy, right. I can appreciate that. Girls seem to like guys with a little ‘oomph’ and because I don’t have it at the moment, I’m not going out and trying to meet people. Even if I did, few girls find shyness a turn-on (although if you do – let me know ;)). Personally, I hate guys who go so far in the opposite direction that they come across as arrogant (I know plenty of women kinda like that, though) but it’d be nice to at least have the balls to get back out there, get noticed and get talking to a girl without thinking the world was about to implode.

It’s frustrating, not just because I want to be having as much sex as humanly possible (I mentioned that I love sex, right?), but because I love women in general. I genuinely find them sexy and gorgeous and interesting in all their forms – they are beautiful creatures who fascinate me. It wouldn’t actually matter if we ended up back in their bed, just chatting to one would be nice, but as soon as you put me in a social situation where I have to talk to a girl I don’t know, I fall apart. I over-think, stumble and generally make a tit out of myself. It’s got to a point where I’ve actually had to start attending group meetings to try and combat this chronic shyness which is kinda disappointing to me.

The mentalness of it all is only made worse by the fact that if you put me behind a screen or a sheet of paper or some other way I can write to a girl, I’ll be a million times better. My last four girlfriends were met online, through internet dating, online hook-ups, whatever. You stick a keyboard in front of me and I’m away. I’ll be chatty, flirty and I might raise a raise a smile (I might even make them laugh, but I’ve yet to find a single person who says “LOL” and actually laughs out loud). After a few messages I’ll be talking to them like I’ve known them for ages, and then when things slide into sexy-time, I’ll really pull out my a-game.

I have a slight knack for writing, especially when it comes to dirty messages. I can build a scene, set the pace, describe in detail every last thing I want to do to them and it seems to work. They liked it enough to come back for more, at least, and from there we’ve moved on to actual meets. Which is weird when you think you’ve basically had sex before you’ve even met face-to-face, but it seems to work. I don’t mind that at all, but it’d be nice to at least mix it up a bit with some random, get-out-there-and-talk flirting and dating and hook-ups.

So my questions are  –

– Is this face-to-face shyness / online confidence a more common thing for guys and girls than I’m aware of?

– Can you be a successful dater while being a total frailer at public dating?

– Have you ever just taken the plunge and gone against your instinct, and how was it? Good or bad. Would you do it again?

– Do you find shyness or over-confidence sexy? If so – why?

I’m curious, let me know.