I’ve got a list as long as my arm for upcoming blog post entries (including my original idea to write about a rather delightful series of messages I’d received from my FWB while at work which had me practically aching for her), but then another idea came out of the blue and, once I heard it, suddenly I realised that all other ideas were going to have to take a back seat while I wrote about that most male of obsessions – Porn.

Here’s the thing – I’ve never really considered other people’s opinions or thoughts on porn before. Well, I have in terms of the general consensus that it’s “dirty” and “not something to be talked about in public” but that’s about it. Until today, I’d never really thought about how some people envision it and what they take from it (or don’t take from it, as the case may be) versus what I envision and take from it. There was a curious mis-matching going on.

Before I start, I should say that one thing this post is not going to do, or try to do, is change your mind or excuse my love of porn (as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing to excuse). But I thought it might be interesting to explore how two people, talking about the same subject, had quite different thoughts and ideas on it.

I’ll fill in the background first – Earlier today I was chatting to someone who I’ve only known a short time, yet who I already feel shares a lot of similar thoughts to my own. Someone open minded and honest and who’s not afraid to discuss topics a lot of others might avoid. I hope the person in question won’t mind me mining our conversation for this blog post but it seemed an interesting topic because, while we talked about this and that and how I’ve ended up here with this identity and this blog etc, one of the things I happened to mention I love (alongside sex and women) was porn. And when I said that, there was a kind of pause.

Not a long pause. Not a terrible pause. But it was there all the same. I sensed it, like Darth Vader sensing Obi-Wan in A New Hope.

Now, there was no judgement by either of us towards the other on our opinions on the subject (and there still isn’t – as far as I’m aware), but I thought it was interesting that they seemed to find porn fake and plastic and often degrading to women. In a lot of ways I can see where they are coming from – there is plenty out there which fits this bill exactly – but I’d naively assumed that the plastic, fake type was a bit of an old fashioned stereotype which had been ridiculed so much it was no longer accepted as real or pleasurable for men. And I’d thought the perception of lovers of that kind of porn had died out long ago, too, alongside the medallion man and drinkers of Blue Nun. Only now I see that’s not true. There’s an entire industry built around Beef-Heads taking control of Barbie-Dolls which still thrives to this day, but actually that’s not the kind of porn I really like.

You see, the kind of porn I like mostly involves both parties thoroughly enjoying themselves. I like – no LOVE – to watch the sort of porn where the woman/women enjoys every second and every inch of the sex as much as the man. Mutual satisfaction is fucking sexy to me. In fact, watching a guy going the other way and deliberately trying to push a girl into a toe-curling, body-trembling, sheet-ripping orgasm is a HUGE turn-on for me and is much hotter than just watching a guy shag a hot girl. And there’s loads of porn out there which is just like that and most of it tends to be the amateur kind and, I realised, 9 times out of 10, that’s the kind I watch.

Homemade sex tapes turn me on because they seem to reveal both parties loving the act at the moment it was recorded. It could be from a long-term couple or a one night stand, but what I love about that kind of porn is that one person is getting off on the moment as much as the other. It doesn’t matter if that’s through straight sex, roleplay, ageplay, domplay or subplay – the key to it all is ‘play’. I love seeing everyone involved really enjoying themselves – from deep, sensual love-making to the kind of, rip-the-panties-down-and thrust-inside fucking that comes from desperate, get-your-rocks-off lust. Couples who are genuinely enjoying it are much sexier than couples who just act as if they enjoy it because there’s a paycheck at the end. That’s not to say porn stars don’t enjoy their work, but there seems to be more honesty to amateur sex.

Another reason why I enjoy amateur porn above “professional” porn is the connection you sometimes find between partners. Usually this appears between long-term couples and I know there’s a chance that some of this porn comes from disgruntled ex’s who want to humiliate their partner, but just pushing that aside for a moment (it’s a subject I’ll be coming back to in other posts), the visible connection a couple feels and shows – the relaxed nature, the intimacy – is another massive turn-on. It’s what reminds me of the best sex I’ve had and I love seeing another couple sharing that same feeling. I guess that makes me almost a voyeur in a roundabout kind of way.

Taking it a step further, the porn which really turns me on – to the point I can barely control the throbbing of my cock in my pants (and the kind which frequently fills my Tumblr) – is the kind of detailed, sensual porn which is so often missing from those “professional” films people seem to think of when the word ‘porn’ is mentioned with their Bom-Chika-Wow-Wow music and terrible 80s perms.

It’s the kind which, again, you tend to find in amateur porn and sums up, in one image or clip, the perfect, beautiful form of the female body at its most aroused – skin, tits, ass, pussy, hair, lips – and shows the pleasure and the sensation of sex – in whatever form – for both partners. It often shows the hunger of one partner for another and that hunger is revealed through every movement, every touch, every kiss, every lick and every thrust until both are satisfied (and if the guy isn’t satisfying the woman, he’s not trying hard enough). It’s the kind where the lust and orgasm can almost be felt by the viewer through the screen. That is the ultimate porn for me and the kind I mean when I say “I love porn”.

Now, the kinds I like could all just be a trick of editing, black-and-white imagery and some Oscar-worthy performances – it could all be as fake as the plastic bullshit my friend first mentioned – but the pretense of real, raw lust is what I enjoy most, and the deep, sensual pleasure both parties seem to feel through the fucking is what drives me over the edge. As my friend pointed out – I’m kind of an old romantic, in a filthy, pervy kind of way.

So I’m curious about a few things:

• When/if you heard your partner likes porn, what kind of porn do you automatically think of? Do you assume it’s professional, fake plastic porn or some other kind?
• What do you think about porn in general – good and bad?
• If you like it – why?
• If you don’t like it – why not?
• Would it bother you if you liked someone and found out they liked porn (in whatever form)?

Let me know, I’m curious.